the frozen mind

tuesday, 25 november 08 - unbelieveably today i basically did nothing at all. well, minus the showers, prayers and eating. other than that the whole day can be summed up as a good day on the bed and sofa. i'm not sure i'm tired out, because theres nothing much i had done the day before. class and had a trip to cyberjaya, and basically that was it. if fatigue is not to be blamed i guess its just the state of the mind. somehow i believe it is frozen up and not processing as fast as it should be. multiple things are running in my head but somehow i'm back to pentium 2 (or is it 1?).all i can say is that i'm getting more and more confused, and feeling quite lost right now.praying for divine intervention in finding solutions and helping me to decide my path, coz i really hate what i'm feeling right now -a cocktail of emotions.

zipped mouth

have you ever felt that u want to blurt out all of your heart's contents but just can't? well thats just how i'm feeling right now. many things to be said, but tongue is tied and mouth is zipped and somehow my fingers froze. somehow the autonomous control of my body overides the voluntary control.
multiple emotions, feelings engulf me, but the only thing i can blurt out now is just that my RM1432.60 knee brace has arrived, and well i guess i'm more than satisfied with. but, hope my knee and my tibia isn't dependent on it for the long run. well a brace is a support; so i hope it wouldn't be an additional organ for me.

damn, how my legs are tingling to run and jump again.

week in review

an eventful one week has elapsed. a bit tiring and stressful, but thats what makes life fun. week started with preps for the summative. Quite fun to relive the 'prep at school' life again. Staying at the library from 8 to 10 just brings fond memories of KYS. Guess theres another silver lining to the injured knee - study to makes my mind wander away from the knee.
as for the summative, as expected - tough. i think its the best summative if i done so far in IMU. what grades will i get? as usual my answer- it doesn't matters. i'll learn from my mistakes more than from my success.
weekend came which means - sunathon at kampung serendah, hulu selangor. nice experience. fun looking at some of the kid's reaction. from utter coolness to being hysterical. just helped out at post operation, because i was too lazy to hangout in the operation room and suture.
as for today, im forking out a whooping 400 us dollars to buy myself an acl knee brace. just had to. my knees are just as good as jello.

the broken knee

hmmm...how ironic was it that i ruptured two of my knee ligaments in the event that i had really really anticipated and prepared for. 30 August-the Singapore Open 2008 at Farrer Park will always be an occasion i will always remember - for the most painful thing i have ever felt physically.

A 3 hour operation to clear my disfigured knee (the orthopaedic said its the worst non contact injury he's ever seen), clean out the cellular debris, reconstruct my lateral ligaments, repair the obliterated meniscus and just clean my torn ACL plus the estimated 5 months of rehabilitation really made me thinking. Hows life so far? and how is it going to be?

I guess its a blessing in disguise. The doctors say its a 25-75 chance of returning to active sports participation. And it just came as a wake up call. How am i going to lead my life? What am i going to be? Who am i associating and going to associate with?

A pile of questions that needs answering. And of which some answers needed to be searched for. Its not if I can just google it up.

Back again at last....

Well, its been a long while( and i mean a very very long time) since i wrote here. Guess I'm in the mood again to write..or i guess i just need to blurt out my feelings..huh..

lets make it this way, I'll just put my thoughts under different posts, just to make it easier for my readings in my future...just to refer back if i need to on how miserable i've been feeling these past few years...sucks right?but i believe looking back makes us appreciate the future....

unnecessary headache

well again i've been silent from the blog space again...no reason whatsoever...just the plain laziness of the mind and limbs to type out my thoughts...but i guess there are certain things that i have to speak my mind out...as the title says...i have a headache...an unwanted, unnecessary and one that will linger for quite some while...just hope that it won't cause over dilatation of the capillaries of my head that'll lead to migraine or increases the cranial blood pleasure that'll lead to cerebral haemorrhage..thinking of it, it doesn't seem a bad idea...for my soul to be transported to the gates of Hades and leave all the stupid worldly problems behind.
Nottingham Uni, why do you have to push forward the football calendar ahead by 2 months? If you guys can't play in May and June, don't be the host or play...just concentrate on your bloody academic calendar for goodness sake...you are just forcing everyone especially me into such a mess...
IMU, with its hyper excited,'owh, i can do everything coz i'm a medical student' mentality..come on..please grow up and don't act as if you guys are the best in the world...i'm sick of it...
Wildcats frisbee team, please please please be more matured and professional...it doesn't mean that ultimate players of Malaysia look up to you means you are God, you have the divine authority that can't be criticise...just remember that some of your teammates have sacrificed and done more than you do...its just that they are not like some of you dumb witted populist who love to be in the limelight...and for heaven's sake...find new blood...doesn't mean you are on top now, you will stay there without doing anything...from what i'm observing..Wildcats equals the Wall of Jericho and Tower of Babel.
And to the person who wishes to break the frisbee team apart by sexual segregation....KISS MY ASS...

KLASS Open

24 January, it was a sunday...first time a tourney in malaysia i think that is held on a sunday...but came down to Alice Smith School confident of a championship...well the build up to it wasn't as smooth as wat i would hope for...bust ups..non commitance..egos..tempers...
but on the day itself we were robbed of it...i think th whole team played the whole day better than the eventual winners and would have won if we played thm in the finals...but for me dubious scores (sumhow our final scores was different than the organizers) and blunders by the organizers ( who forgot the rules they send out to everyone )cost us dearly...
the team played well...very minimal mistakes...great scores and spirit...i did the greatest twice n both completed and damn happy bout it...
well a 3rd place is gud enough i guess

Vietnam Hat 2007 ( its a bout time i wrote bout it)

the last few days of 2007 it has to be said, one of the most memorable day that i'll ever have...it was only in mid december that i was enlightened to go for the Vietnam Hat...its just one of those things in life...the idea just comes out of nowhere...it has to be said that HCMC is a very unique place and i dare to bet that it wouldn't be the last time i'll be there....
arriving on friday 28 december at bout 3.00 pm local time at the hotel left me plenty of time to soak in the atmosphere of HCMC...my wish that time was that i had came with someone, but soon forgot bout it when i met up with my fellow ultimate players...i was on yellow team which was given a tongue twister of a name...liz, sara, matt, stu, dan, brian, tuan, dui, ling and some other local players (whose name i don't know how to spell) were great team mates...the team finished with a 4-3 record and i have to say that i wasn't at my best at all...guess i was overawed by other players..hehehe...but i have to say a special thanks to liz for being a great companion for the 3 days in HCMC...hmmmm..with that experience comes a dilemma...should i go to bangkok? (have to check my bank account then)

its been a long time

wow..looking back, i can see that it has been a while since i wrote something...
to be truthful, ages...could have grown a beard since my last post...
but i guess its due to the exams and travelling...and other well thought reasons..
have to say that since my last post, i've did my year exams and passed...had
a hell of a break..travelled malaysia n vietnam...played plenty of ultimate...
met and made new friends...and thats all that i can think of for the time being...
well...time for the next post...

What Your Hands Say About You

You are logical, analytical, and rational. You have good verbal skills. Flexible and broad minded, you can fit in to any situation. There's no telling where your life will take you. Practical and down to earth, you're a doer not a dreamer. You rather get something done than think about it all day. Your emotions tend to be well though out. You're willing to wait out a bad situation, and you're never too quick to act.

What Do Your Hands Say About You?

frustration

"don't judge a book, by its cover".no truer words..people may seem ok on the outside..but who knows what is bottled inside..in my case, i have to say that most of the time, i put on a brave face and sometimes put on an innocent face and even an interested face when i see people go study abroad, come back and tell off their stories.well i have to admit that most of the times, i feel jealous and gutted.not saying the amount of frustration that is inside of me.all i have worked for, the bloody effort, the damn achievements i fought for, and it all comes to nothing.yeah, i got an entry into a local med school.what a consolation.another thing i feel is anger.i can't believe that some undeserving people managed to fly off.and then they get their noses all high.come on...some people didn't even open up their freaking mouth during interviews.i was surprised to see those muted people in intec.yeah, you people have brains.but thats all you have.
some say to me..takpe dah bukan rezeki...yeah, i accept its fated...but as a human..can't help that i habour those feelings.

Changing

Have to say that it isn't the easiest thing for me.
Changing myself, changing my perspectives, changing my habits.
But i guess, no matter what i have to change.
I'm 21 now (can't believe it actually) so its now or never.
So i guess its going to be goodbyes for somethings.
Hope there'll be no more of the thoughtless me.
Hope there'll be a no more taking things easily.
Hope there'll be no more stupidity and less ignorance.
Hope there'll be no more mixing up priorities.
Hope there'll be no more dwelling on the past.
May there be more courage in my actions.
May there be more meaningful acts from myself.
May my actions bring more cheers than tears.
May i always remember i to sacrifice for my loved ones.
May i improve as i approach my date with Allah.

intec wildcats

Intec wildcats? what is that? some high school musical team wannabe? well, lets get this straight, the name wildcats was thought out before disney had the same idea.anyway its an ultimate frisbee team, not a basketball one.

Amazingly the team was formed by a group of students who just got hooked up with ultimate frisbee and wanted to introduce the game to their institution and make sure it stays. I wasn't the first to play the game in Intec. Up until now i don't really know who the first person was.But i know it was a girl. Anyway kudos to them for their preserverence to promote the game. I know that i was one of them that laughed out loud when i first heard bout the game.

But soon,i started playing, swallowed my past comments and came up with the idea to form a permanent club. Without a coach, i have to say that the first team was great.
Full of passion and commitment. Playing in paddy field-like conditions. They were just great. Now with the second team, although slow off the blocks, they also can hold their heads high with their achievements.

I just hope that the members will continue to promote the game and build the third generation of the wildcats. And i hope that those who has flown off abroad, continue to play and keep the disc flying.And mebbe form their own 'wildcats'.

Singapore open

well i know that its a little bit late to come up with my thoughts on
SUO 2007 seing that a month has passed by. anyway its better late than never.

So i'll summarize chronologically, beginning with the plan to come down to Singapore.
Have to say that it really got on my nerves. Lack of coordination, commitment (because some found it too hard to save some money) and the favourite malaysian attitude- last minute work.
Nevertheless, i got the team to Singapore and have to say that we got lucky in the trip; an easy entry into Singapore, got a nice place to rest for a while, free breakfast. But that was as far as we were lucky. We played very well in the tournament, just to unluckily lose to small margins to more experienced team. But the win against Muddy Grass was just brilliant. Everyone played their hearts out, great spirit and won respect of other teams.Hope that it'll be a catalyst for the rest to strive for greater heights.
But, there was a downpart to it. Some people came with the wrong mentality and had the cheek to pull a long face.Come on, we came to compete and not for a holiday. Wasn't a suitable time to go for walks when we have a game.So before coming decide: to play or to holiday.
The journey back home was an unforgettable one.Little India was crazy.You don't feel you are in Singapore.

But whatever it is, hopefully i can go for another trip with these guys.Some improvements are needed and i'm sure it'll be better as the team matures. So where are we going next? Bali, rite...?!

hazwan

"oh, hazwan? yeah, i know that guy."
" haha! i know everything bout that boy."
"do you really want to know the real hazwan? i'll tell you."

its amazing really how many people in the world think that they know me? do the really know the real me?or is it just a matter of perspective?well, it might just be a matter of opinion.
i can't blame them for saying anything about me.its basic human rights to speak up.worse comes to worse, i'll speak back about them.
for me its better if you get to know me (in person or writing) then make up your mind to love or hate me.
cheers. :)

name:muhammad hazwan
location: kl, malaysia
d.ob: 16/10/1986

profession: MBBS student, blog writer, ultimate frisbee player, man.utd supporter